The Doctor Tap Dances
by Uh.yeah
Summary: For anyone who wants to spend a little time in Denial Land. TenRose 'miniadventure'. The Doctor investigates some disappearances on Earth
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Now I've got all my angsty stuff out the way, I can happily go, "La, la, la, I'm not listening, there's no 'storm' coming." And churn out a random mini-adventure with hints of TenRose. Anyway, I need to cling to the happy times as best I can. So I'm going to see if I can get this whole story out in one week. Before… you know.

Please see what you think….

**Disclaimer**: Yeah, you guessed it; not mine.

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"I don't believe this," said the Doctor, shaking his head, "One hundred years into your future and you can't even buy a decent portion of chips. Pitiful progress. I expected more from your lot, you know." 

"It's not like I had anything to do with it," protested Rose, "Anyway, I think these chips are alright. I mean, they're not what they were, but they're still edible."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at her, "Rose, these chips are _healthy_."

Rose stared at him and then sighed.

"I know, I know, but if you just eat it and forget that it's healthy, it's really not too bad."

"But I can't!" moaned the Doctor, "I eat them and I _know _that they're going to do me good. It's all wrong. Besides, I have a more highly defined sense of taste than you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Rose, "Enough with the 'superior species' thing. Why don't we give the chips a miss for a while?"

"Maybe," considered the Doctor, "Still think it's twisted to make chips healthy. I mean, once you get rid of the wicked pleasure and the painful guilt afterwards, what do you have left?"

"Alright," laughed Rose, "would you stop going on about it? Once we're done here, you can take us back to 2006 and we can go get some proper chips. Till then, you can tell me what we're doing here."

The Doctor threw his unfinished chips into a passing robotic bin and brightened considerably.

"Well, I wasn't actually intending to land here,"

"What's new?" asked Rose and he shot her an offended look

He continued: "But it seems that the TARDIS made her own decisions and she was following a distress signal emitting from this general area. Some alien life form is calling out for help."

Rose quickly finished her chips and she threw the packet at a bin - which caught it deftly and thanked her.

"Ok, Doctor," she said, inelegantly rubbing her hands on her jeans, "you say the signal is coming from 'this general area'. How do we find it?"

"Don't know," said the Doctor, cheerfully, "We'll just look around, shall we? I think it's market day, judging by the position of the sun."

Rose shook her head at him, grinning and linking her arm through his, they set off, "Ok, Mr Impressive."

"Am I still impressive?" he asked, delightedly.

"You've always been impressive," said Rose, "But don't let that go to your head." She laughed at his incredibly smug smile, "Come on, Doctor, shopping."

"So long as it's market shopping," replied the Doctor, suspiciously, "I am never going to into Topshop with you again. No matter how much you plead. No matter how ruined your top is."

"Don't worry," laughed Rose, "we'll just go make friends with a few stall tenders. It'd be a good way to find stuff out, don't you think?"

"Domestic," said the Doctor grimly.

"You love it really," said Rose, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"What do you think?" asked Rose, emerging from the hanging clothes, holding the skirt up against her, "Do you like it?"

The Doctor looked up from where he had been waiting and glared at the skirt. "It's a bit short, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" pouted Rose, "I think it's fine."

"Well, I think Queen Victoria would disagree. And not very practical, is it?" said the Doctor, "How are you supposed to do any running in that?"

"Maybe I won't do any running," said Rose, thoughtfully, "Maybe I'll wear it when you take me out sometime."

The Doctor coughed, quickly looking away to the guy tending the stall who had been following Rose around.

"What do _you_ think?" the Doctor asked him.

"Gorgeous," said the stall tender, "And between you and me, I think your bird's got the legs to pull it off."

"Right," said the Doctor, scowling, "Right. Great."

"You're not going to be able to keep the guys from her, when she wears that." continued the vendor, conspiratorially.

"You hear that, Rose?" asked the Doctor.

"Yeah," answered Rose, blushing happily.

"Good. We're not buying it."

"What? I thought he said that it looked ok..."

"Well, if that man's words are anything to go by, the skirt would turn you into a pretty-boy magnet. And that is the last thing we need right now."

Rose looked offended, but was secretly delighted.

"A bit possessive, is he?" asked the stall tender, "Don't blame him, love," he continued, winking at her.

Rose laughed, and twirled a strand of hair with her fingers. The stall tender carried on talking and Rose listened with fascination.

"Come on, Rose," said the Doctor, who had been standing slightly apart, but was watching the proceedings with growing horror, "There's a stall over there with some nice mobile phone covers. Why don't we go look over there?"

"Hang on," answered Rose, "Mark here was just telling me about some funny disturbances that have been going on round by the town hall."

"Is that so?" asked the Doctor, feigning indifference, but releasing his grip on Rose's arm, "Like what?"

"Apparently, there are reports of girls disappearing right outside."

"What, literally disappearing? As in vanishing into thin air?" scoffed the Doctor.

"No," took up Mark, "Just at night, some people swear they seen a girl be pulled off the road, into the town hall. But in the morning, there ain't no sign of nothing. Not even any evidence that anyone had ever been in the hall. But the girls never come home."

"That doesn't sound good," commented the Doctor to Rose.

"No," agreed Mark, "And if I were you, I'd keep your pretty girlfriend away from there."

"Thanks," said the Doctor, "I'll do that. Come on, Rose, we'd better go."

"Bye, Mark," called Rose, over her shoulder and winking, "Thanks and everything."

Mark smirked back.

"Liar," said Rose, happily, comfortably linking her arm through the Doctor's again.

"Why am I a liar?" asked the Doctor, slightly baffled.

"Because you have no intention of keeping me away from the town hall. In fact, we're heading there now."

"I don't know," said the Doctor, seriously, stopping to stare at Rose. "By the sounds of things, a large number of pretty young girls have been disappearing, so maybe it's not such a good idea for you to go there."

"Are you calling me 'pretty'?" asked Rose, playfully, her tongue in her cheek.

"Listen, Rose," said the Doctor, hoping to God that he wasn't flushing, "I just don't think it will be safe."

Rose stared at him, then burst out laughing.

"Doctor," she said, "When has it ever been safe? And when have you ever been so worried about safety? Let's just go."

The Doctor sighed, and trailed after her.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Right," said the Doctor, as they marched round to the back of the town hall, "A pretty regular town hall, in a frankly, pretty regular town. I'd hate to live here, actually. Not much going on - not so much as a bowling alley," He paused for a second, "But then, I'd pretty much hate to live-live anywhere. Anyway, not a particularly old building, so not too much attraction for that. All it's got going for it is…" He aimed the Sonic Screwdriver at the wall, "It's made out of limestone from Planet 606."

"Is that bad?" asked Rose, watching him.

"Depends," said the Doctor, crouching down near the wall, "If it comes from the quarry which was hit by a meteor from Planet 606 about fifty years ago, then I'd say it's nothing too much to worry about. But if it was built by an alien life form, with their own special rock, then yes, it would be quite bad."

"So which is it?" prompted Rose.

"Don't know yet," admitted the Doctor, "Shall we go in?"

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

The Doctor and Rose surveyed the inside of the hall suspiciously.

Rose shivered. "This brings back really bad memories of rubbish discos."

"That's funny," said the Doctor, frowning in concentration, "I can't get any kind of reading on the signal source because it's so badly distorted by the limestone. That's either coincidence or really, really clever."

"I'm going to go check out the kitchen," announced Rose.

"Wondered how long it'd take you," grinned the Doctor, making his way around the edge of the room, Sonic Screwdriver in hand.

"For that," admonished Rose, sternly, "I'm not going to share the chocolate biscuits when I find them."

"You never normally do," muttered the Doctor, pretending to be very interested in the skirting board.

The kitchen turned out to be a typical, pokey town hall kitchen. Everything painted off-white, with practical, chrome taps. The kettle seemed to work, but Rose couldn't find any teabags.

She started rooting around in the lower cupboards, looking for the economy pack of chocolate biscuits. She managed to find a big steel pan, a couple of packets of cereal, but no chocolate biscuits.

"Rubbish," she commented to herself, "First healthy chips, then no chocolate biscuits."

In the last cupboard was a green radio.

"That's weird," coomented Rose, to herself, "Why would you put a radio in a bottom cupboard?"

She knelt down so she could get a closer look in the cupboard. She tried to pull the radio out, but it wouldn't move at all.

Rose leaned in a little further, blinking when she noticed the greenish glow coming from behind the radio.

She had just opened her mouth to call for the Doctor, when the green light enclosed her and she disappeared right inside the cupboard.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Ah," said the Doctor, as he heard footsteps behind him, "See you've managed to tear yourself away from the kitchen. Still no luck here, I'm afraid." He was kneeling on the floor, his glasses firmly on and a frown of concentration on his face, "Although I have found a rather nice pair of earrings which someone has dropped. I was wondering; do you think I should get my ears pierced? Nothing too fancy, or girly, mind you. I'm not sure."

"Rose?" he asked, turning round when he got no reply, "Rose, what are you doing?"

He watched in astonishment as Rose emerged from the back of the small stage at the far end of the hall and gracefully started to tap dance.

"Well," said the Doctor, hesitantly, "I must admit, that's impressive. Where did you learn to do that?"

She merely continued with her dance.

"Rose?" he asked, when she still didn't reply.

He stood up, and watched properly, not quite sure what to do in the face of Rose's sudden passion for dancing.

"Rose," he said, "I don't want to be rude or anything - I mean, you're very good - but we've kind of got other things to think about."

He had just started walking towards her end of the hall, when a hole opened up in the middle of the stage and Rose gracefully tap danced her way into it.

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There we go. Pleath review? 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: And on we go with the denial. Accompanied by new friends, broadcasting and tap dancing...

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed!

**Disclaimer**: Donnae own it.

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"Rose!" yelled the Doctor, pounding down from the other end of the hall and slamming into the edge of the stage, "Rose!" He looked around frantically, trying to work out what had just happened. 

Jumping up onto the stage, he saw that there was absolutely no sign of any hole his blonde companion could have disappeared into.

He scanned the stage floor with his Sonic Screwdriver but could still only get a reading from the limestone walls.

Anger flashed in his brown eyes. "Really, really clever," he murmured, grimly.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

About one hundred feet beneath him, Rose was shaking her head, trying to clear it of the haziness.

"What the…?" She stared at the rough, limestone walls surrounding her. "Doctor?" she called, standing up, "Doctor!"

"Doctor?" came a voice from the corner, "That's a new one. Most of them cry, some scream. I've never heard one call out 'Doctor', though. Have you hurt something?"

"Who's there?" called Rose, her eyes flicking from side to side, trying to work out who was in the shadows.

"Relax," said a girl walking out from the corner, "I'm officially non-evil. I'm like you."

"And I'm supposed to trust you?" asked Rose, summing the new girl up. She was tall, slim and pretty. She had messy brown hair, which she had tucked behind her ears. "What do you mean you're like me?"

"Oh," laughed the girl, "I was captured and taken down here, too. So were all the others."

"What others?" asked Rose, looking around, still a little bit dazed.

"There are a few of us, we stick to the shadows," said the girl, "I'm Hailey, by the way."

"Rose," nodded Rose, "So what, you all just 'appeared' down here?"

"Last thing you remember," prompted Hailey.

Rose frowned. "Green light,"

"That's it," said Hailey, "Same with everyone. Everything's normal then you see a green light and end up down here."

"And what happens down here?" asked Rose, not all that sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Mostly, we just sit here. Which is pretty boring. Sometimes, there's a disturbance. Where," Hailey spoke a little quieter, "a green mist comes in and covers up one of us. Then they disappear."

Rose shivered. "How many are there here? How many have disappeared completely?"

"There are five of us down here right at this moment. Three have been taken by the freaky mist stuff."

"Listen," said Rose, stepping forward and taking Hailey's hand, "I've got this friend. He'll be able to come and help us. He'll figure out a way."

Hailey laughed bitterly and Rose noticed fear in her eyes. "How do you think this friend of yours will make it down here?" demanded Hailey, sweeping her arm around the cave, "We don't even know how we got here. No one's going to be able to 'figure out a way' because, Rose, this isn't human. To be honest, I think… Well, I think it's _alien_."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

The Doctor's scan of the stage had proved to be completely fruitless. He had tried dialling Rose's phone three times, but each time the number had not been recognised. Giving up on it, he jumped down off the stage and headed off to the kitchen.

"Right," he said, clicking on the light, "I'm Rose, I'm in a kitchen…."

He checked the kettle. "Working, but no teabags," he muttered.

With the Sonic Screwdriver ready, he began opening all the overhead cupboards. He found nothing other than a few chipped glasses and cracked mugs. He then began opening each lower cupboard, carefully looking inside each one, and scanning with the Sonic Screwdriver, before closing it.

He got to the penultimate cupboard and crouched down when he saw the green radio.

"Hello," he said, adjusting his glasses, "Now, you're not right."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Alright," said Rose, standing purposefully in front of the five assembled girls, "Is there any way out?"

"Been there, done that," answered Hailey, "If there was any way out, do you think we'd still be here?"

A younger looking, red haired girl spoke up. "The walls are solid all the way around. No cracks, no caves, no tunnels…."

"I suppose the only way out would be up," said a black haired, Chinese girl, "Only, we can't see the roof of the cave and there's no way of getting up there."

"Ok," said Rose, starting to pace a little, "The girls who have already been taken from here, has there been any kind of pattern?" she asked, "I mean, do they go according to how long they've been here, or because of something they do…?"

"Well, I was the first one in," said Hailey, "And I'm still here."

"And none of them really do anything in particular," said the Chinese girl.

"Um…" said the red haired girl, almost inaudibly.

"Yeah?" asked Rose, looking at her encouragingly, "What is it?"

"Well, the only real link I can see between them is their hair colour," she said.

The other girls all looked at each other in surprise as they noticed it too.

"Which is…?" prompted Rose, although she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"So far, the three of them have all been blonde."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Now you," said the Doctor, leaning back in admiration, "are beautiful. And I mean that. Although, I suppose the only drawback is that you can't get Radio One. Anyway, other than that, I really admire the internal wiring system. I even like the colour scheme! Very retro green."

"And what's that glow behind you?" asked the Doctor, sticking the Sonic Screwdriver into the back of the cupboard, "Power supply!" he exclaimed, as he saw the mini limestone pyramid, covered in a green gel, "To boost the signal. Brilliant!" He looked around him thoughtfully. "Someone has really put a lot of thought into this."

He scanned the radio again. "So I know you transmit a signal, but can you send the message both ways?"

He held the Sonic Screwdriver against the top of the radio and slowly turned one of the dials.

Then he cleared his throat and assumed a cheesy smile.

"And a good afternoon to you all," he began, "This is the Doctor, broadcasting live from the town hall kitchen. Our main feature today is, 'Where's Rose?' We have a caller on the line: who's this?"

A guttural voice responded from the radio. "Doctor?" it slurred, "I know no Doctor."

"Really?" asked the Doctor, "Well, you're in for a real treat. Unless, you happen to a particularly evil, in which case you'll end up wishing you'd never met me. And considering what you've done, on my evil scale of one to ten, you're right up there at the top. I'm prepared to bet you're ninety nine, if not one hundred, per cent evil."

"You speak nonsense," said the voice.

"Yeah, I have been told that," answered the Doctor, cheerfully. "Anyway, enough about me. Who are you?"

"You do not know?" asked the voice.

"Well to be fair," said the Doctor, "you don't know who I am. Why should I know who you are? Although, judging by your building material I'd say you're from somewhere in the vicinity of Planet 606."

"You have knowledge," commented the voice.

"And then some," agreed the Doctor, beginning to adopt a faux-jovial tone, "Anyway, pleasant as this chat is, can we just cut to the chase? You've taken something very important of mine and I want it back. So why not be a good man and return it?"

The voice laughed throatily. "No," it said, drawing out and relishing the single syllable.

The Doctor sighed. "I knew you were going to say that. Looks like I'm going to have to come and stop you by force."

The voice laughed again, "Doctor," it rang out, "You do not know who I am. You do not know what I am. You do not know where I am."

"All that's true," said the Doctor, dangerously, "But I'll find out. And then I'll stop you."

The voice laughed one final, long laugh and the radio clicked off.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Just for the record," said Rose, to the air in the cave, "My hair's not actually blonde…"

All the girls stared at her, some sympathetically, some just plain scared.

"My friend will help us," said Rose, confidently, "he'll find a way down here. But till then, we'll have to figure some things out for ourselves. Any idea what happens to the girls when they get taken from here?"

"None," said the red haired, who had turned out to be called Sophie, "They literally disappear into thin air."

"Could be a teleport," said Rose, "Doesn't explain the green mist. Could just be for effect, I suppose. Although, to be honest, I don't know all that much about the technical side of things."

Just then, a bell sounded in the cave and all the girls looked up, expectantly.

"What was that?" asked Rose.

"Food!" answered Sophie, rushing with the other girls to the centre of the cave.

Rose cautiously followed them to where a few plates of food were set upon the floor. A green mist was gradually receding from the food.

"You're actually going to eat that?" demanded Rose, "It's got the green stuff all around it."

"Listen, Rose," said Hailey, with her mouth full, "when you've been down here for a week or two you couldn't care less if your food has green mist on it or not. Chicken?"

"Not yet, thanks," declined Rose.

She started to walk around the outside of the cave, while the others happily stuffed their faces. This was one of the most frustrating places she'd been trapped in. There seemed to be no way out, she had no idea how she had got there and there weren't any sign of her captors. She couldn't even flirt with alien guards to find information.

She looked again at her phone, but there was still no signal. In fact, the phone seemed to have frozen.

"The jiggery pokery's gone wrong," she said sadly.

She was examining the rock face in the corner more closely, when a shout from one of the girls made her spin round.

Instead of finding one of them in danger, she realised that they were all staring at her with horror.

"Rose!" yelled Hailey, "The mist! It's around you."

Rose looked down and for the first time, noticed the tendrils of green mist that were curling themselves around her body.

She swore loudly, before the mist completely covered her and she disappeared from sight.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

In the kitchen, the Doctor sat slumped on the floor, leaning against a cupboard. He looked defeated, but his mind was actually whirring through numerous possibilities and searching for the most plausible.

Suddenly, his face lit up and he jumped to his feet.

"Brilliant!" he enthused, rushing over to the offending cupboard, "Completely mental, but still _brilliant_. And it's so strange, so mad, no one would ever have worked it out - except for a genius. And that, of course, is what I am. Unfortunately for you."

He leant over the radio, putting his ear right next to the speaker and pointing the Sonic Screwdriver at the small space between his ear and the speaker.

Then he slammed the cupboard shut and ran out to the stage, converse slapping against the linoleum floor.

He walked forward from the back of the stage, hands in his pockets, an intense look of concentration on his face.

"Cannot believe I'm about to do this," he murmured.

Removing his hands from his pockets, the Doctor suddenly began to tap dance.

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And here we have chapter 2. Still a way to go yet, though... If you've taken the time to read it, why not review, eh? 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Gotta keep going, the Sad Day looms... So step a little further into Denial Land as my random tale continues... (Blimey, I've officially cracked)

**Disclaimer: **Owned by the BBC.

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"You're not green!" exclaimed Rose, as she looked up at the figure sitting in front of her. 

Actually, now that she could look more closely, she could see that the alien was sitting on a throne. Either she was in the presence of royalty or the alien had a complex.

"Why should I be green?" demanded the alien.

Rose stared at him like he was stupid, "Um, well after the green radio, green glow and green mist, I kind of assumed you had a fixation on that particular colour. But obviously I was wrong."

"I use the colour green to carry out my tasks, but my personal form is of this colour."

Rose grimaced. "Has no one ever told you that that shade of pink majorly clashes with green? Anyway, I don't mean to be forward or anything, but what are you?"

"I am Yagaslovic the third. Last in line to the throne."

"So you're genuine royalty, then?"

"Of course," growled Yagaslovic, "And you, human child, have been selected to be my bride."

"Really?" asked Rose, casually, trying not to show any disgust, "That's nice and all, but I normally only kiss on a first date. Marriage is going a little far. Besides, you could have proposed in a more romantic manner."

"You do not have a choice in this matter," said Yagaslovic, impatiently, "We need you to carry on our lineage. Without you, my royal family will die out."

"Why me?" asked Rose, "I mean, I'm flattered, really. But why me?"

"Humans are the closest match. And you have more, with your hair. The specific genes needed to generate your hair colour are a near identical match to some of the DNA of my species."

Rose bit her lip, trying not to give anything away.

"That's clever," she commented, "So what was wrong with the other girls you took?"

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Through the hole, the Doctor dropped a couple of feet. He landed on a solid, rock floor and looked up just in time to see the floor above him meticulously sliding back into place.

The Doctor beamed. "Brilliant," he said, "I feel like I'm in Harry Potter."

The Doctor remained crouched, using the Sonic Screwdriver to scan the area.

The Sonic Screwdriver bleeped and two panels emerged from either side of the cave wall.

He closed his eyes and shook his head wearily, as a jet of green light was shot from each panel, both meeting him in the middle and causing him to disappear.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"So if they 'disappoint' you, you do _what_?" demanded Rose, staring at Yagaslovic in disgust.

"We feed them to my brother's pet," he calmly repeated, "Few creatures appreciate the luxury of human flesh more than his Cortains."

"I'm sure," said Rose, the blood draining from her face.

She shuffled around a little and looked at the far end of the cavern, where another pinkish alien was standing next to a pen of large, dog-like creatures.

"So, what are you doing here?" she spoke up, regaining her composure, "I mean, why are you hiding in a cave on Earth?"

"We were banished," said Yagaslovic, bitterly, "Planet 606 no longer required our monarchy and we were brutally cast out. But, no matter. We have been biding our time on Earth, until we are able to rebuild our family and regain power back on Planet 606."

Rose looked around at the cave she was in. It was little better than the one the girls were being held in. The only difference was that there were a couple of the pinkish alien creatures and the rather ornate throne Yagaslovic was sitting on. In fact, she personally thought the girls' cave was much more attractive. Better company, at least.

"How did I get here?" asked Rose.

Yagaslovic laughed. "You ask many questions, human child. You will soon learn that it is not a wife's place to do so. Your job will be to serve me and continue my line."

"Wow," said Rose, "Now there's an offer I couldn't possibly refuse. I'm not your wife yet, so the way I see it, I have a few more questions left. How did I get here?"

Yagaslovic shook his head. "You can ask, but I will not answer. Now, it is time for you to be examined. We must assess whether or not you are completely genetically suitable."

"And I thought you wanted me for my mind," said Rose, sadly.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Hailey blinked in surprise as a man suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Hello," he said brightly, "I'm the Doctor, nice to meet you."

"You're the Doctor?" asked Hailey.

"Yeah," said the Doctor, happily, "Did Rose mention me?"

"Something like that," confessed Hailey.

The Doctor looked around him, at the five girls scattered around the cave.

"Where is Rose?" he asked. His voice was pleasant enough, but there was an edge to it.

"I'm so sorry," said Sophie, coming forward to him, "She got taken."

"Taken?" asked the Doctor, "Taken how? Where?"

"We don't know," answered Sophie, shaking her head, "There's this green mist stuff. It covers people and then they disappear."

"Green mist stuff," repeated the Doctor, slowly. "At least they're continuing the colour scheme. Green mist, green mist," he balled his hand into a fist and put it against his forehead.

He was going to figure this out.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"You know what this reminds me of?" asked Rose, as one of the more squat creatures scanned her with a small device, "The security check at Heathrow. I remember one time, with mum, I was searched three times." she laughed at the memory, "'Are you checking my daughter for metal devices, or are you checking her out?' my mum asked."

The creature blinked at her in irritation, "Be quiet," he ordered.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Lot of fun you are."

The creature raised the device higher and widened his eyes as the device began frantically beeping.

"Sire!" he yelled, gripping Rose by the wrist and dragging her in front of the throne, "Sire! The human's hair is not naturally blonde."

"What do you mean?" demanded Yagaslovic, "How can this be?"

"It appears to have been affected by another chemical, causing it to turn a different colour, from its original state."

"Oh please," said Rose, "It's called bleach."

"You did this purposefully," accused, Yagaslovic, "Your intention was to infiltrate my lair. You planned to steal the wealth of my people!"

"Don't flatter yourself," said Rose, "I actually intended to stop you taking innocent girls. An intention which is still very much alive, by the way."

"Not for much longer," said Yagaslovic, grimly, "I think the Cortains will soon solve this little problem."

"I was afraid of that," sighed Rose.

Maybe the creatures would be the same as normal dogs, she thought to herself. Maybe all she had to do was look them in the eye and put on a powerful voice and they would be cowed.

Then again, she thought, as the squat alien led her over to the enclosure and she could see the whites of the Cortains' eyes and the canine teeth, maybe this was actually the end.

"You know," commented Rose, to the guard who had her by the arm, "I've always been more of a cat person, myself."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Of course!" shouted the Doctor, leaping up, "That's it! How could I have been so _stupid_?" He slapped himself in the forehead, watched concernedly by the five girls sitting around him.

He pointed the Sonic Screwdriver out in front of him and fiddled with the settings.

Hailey, Sophie and the other girls watched in astonishment as a very ruffled Rose appeared in front of him.

The Doctor rushed forward and enveloped Rose in a huge hug. She returned it before stepping back and hitting him in the shoulder.

"What the hell took you so long?" she demanded.

"Ow!" moaned the Doctor, "It wasn't exactly simple. I've been following an alien Da Vinci code. Everything else was so complicated, it never occurred to me to use simple teleportation."

"Well, thanks," smiled Rose. "I was about to become Cortain food."

The Doctor grimaced, "They have Cortains?"

"Quite a few. And Yagaslovic tells me that they relish human flesh. So, didn't fancy it, really."

The Doctor frowned, "Yagaslovic? You know, that rings a bell…"

"Yagaslovic the third, banished from Planet 606."

"That's right," said the Doctor, "Overthrown in the revolution against their overwhelmingly brutal regime."

"Yeah? I'm not surprised. Slight psychopath. Wants to build up his royal line with some human girl," Rose shuddered, "Anyway, looking for the correct 'genetic match'. Sadly, I failed."

The Doctor grinned at her, "I bet you did. Sounds like you did all my work for me, too."

"Doctor! Rose!" shouted Hailey.

The Doctor and Rose both looked down to see the green mist wrapping itself around the two of them.

"About time too," said the Doctor, "Slight mistake on their part, though: they've given you time to explain things."

Hailey, Sophie and the other girls stared, with complete bemusement, as the Doctor and Rose happily disappeared from sight.

* * *

I'm having a little trouble determining the length of the chapters. But I'm pretty sure that the next one will be the last one... 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Welcome back to Denial Land. I hope you're enjoying your visit. It's now time for our Doctor to meet Yagaslovic the third... Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed!

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own it. Sadly.

* * *

"Can I just say," said the Doctor, as soon as he had fully materialised in front of the throne, "That your fore planning for all of this is absolutely brilliant. Slightly weird, admittedly, but still very, very brilliant." 

"Doctor?" said Yagaslovic, "You are the Doctor."

"That's me. Nice to finally meet face to face, eh? I'm told that you go by the name of Yagaslovic the third."

"That is so," nodded Yagaslovic, "I am impressed that you have managed to penetrate my lair thus far. And I see that you possess technology by the way you summoned your human child to you."

"Human child?" he asked, then nodded in recognition as he caught Rose's eye, "Summoned? I wouldn't say that. She never normally comes when I summon her. I'd say 'teleported' is a more apt description. Or, actually, 'reversed teleportation'. But let's not get too technical, here."

"You came to rescue your human child," said Yagaslovic.

"That is so," nodded the Doctor, sagely, "And to find out what you were doing with the other girls. But I know all about that now. You're getting on a bit - you've certainly had a lot of time to set all this up - and you're getting scared about your future. That's what your distress signal was about: the end of your royal line. You need a wife - or a child producer."

"You did not wish for me to marry this human child."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I've been told that I'm a bit possessive."

"Again you speak nonsense," dismissed Yagaslovic, "It does not matter. She is a genetic impostor. We shall send her to the Cortains."

"Again?" asked Rose, "Do you have nothing more original?"

"Silence," ordered Yagaslovic as the Doctor smirked, "You allow her such freedom of tongue," said Yagaslovic, turning to the Doctor.

"I know, I know, it's terrible," agreed the Doctor, "But there's really no way of controlling her, to be honest. Sometimes, I find the best way to shut her up is with a cup of tea. Or chips. You could try that."

Yagaslovic shook his head impatiently.

"Now tell me Doctor, how did you get here?"

"Do you want the long or the short version? Because that's a terribly philosophical question."

"How did you enter my cave?" demanded Yagaslovic, his eyes bulging.

"Alright, alright, calm down. Basically, I identified the signals transmitted from your 'radio', intercepted them manually so I was able to perform the coded sequence and open the trap door in the stage. I then deliberately threw myself into the path of your particle diffuser so I would be taken to the cave back there. Then, understanding your use of teleporting, I reversed the last teleport and retrieved Rose, here, knowing that you would simply bring us back. And here we are, having this conversation. Quite simple really." He beamed at Rose, "Am I a genius, or what?"

"You are certainly clever," deliberated Yagaslovic, as the Doctor bowed his head, modestly, "But not really clever enough. Because although you are here, you have no way of stopping me and no way of getting back."

"Ah," said the Doctor, "You may have got me there. But give me a few seconds and I'll soon work something out for you."

Yagaslovic laughed and motioned for two of his guards to seize them.

"Send the female to the Cortains. I have no use for her now. Keep the Doctor. I may wish to converse with him occasionally."

"That's really very good of you," said the Doctor, seriously, "I like to talk."

Meanwhile, one of the guards was roughly dragging Rose over to the enclosure containing the Cortains.

"Hello again," said Rose brightly, to the alien guarding the enclosure entrance.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said the Doctor conversationally to Yagaslovic, nodding over at Rose.

"Why not?" asked Yagaslovic, in a bored voice.

"Well. One, because it would make me very, very angry. And two, because all I have to do is this..." he whistled, long and low, "And they all fall asleep."

In front of Rose, the Cortains all stopped growling and flopped to the floor, completely asleep.

"You have got to be kidding me," laughed Rose.

"Cortain weakness," explained the Doctor, managing to shake off the guard whose grip had become somewhat slack upon witnessing the sleeping Cortains, "Completely defenceless in the face of a lullaby. Useless at guarding babies. They'll be out for hours. In fact, that's why they never really caught on on Earth. I mean, they'd be about to jump on their prey, when someone whistles for Fido and Bam! They're asleep. I feel a bit sorry for them, really."

He looked back over at Yagaslovic who face had become slightly mottled as he grew angrier and angrier.

"You may be able to control the Cortains," said Yagaslovic, his voice shaking with rage, "But I will not hesitate to kill you two myself."

"I'm sure you wouldn't," soothed the Doctor, "But the problem is, you won't get a chance. You see, my, frankly, brilliant mind has just worked out the situation."

He stepped up closer to Yagaslovic so that one of his arms was loosely resting on the throne.

"Now, as you know and as I know," he said, quietly, "This isn't really a throne, is it? Well, not any more."

"What do you mean?" hissed Yagaslovic.

"Now, now, Yaggie. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a transportation device, with a containment field."

Yagaslovic watched with fear-filled eyes as the Doctor slowly circled round to look at the back of the throne.

"All I have to do is press the emergency button here and…" he looked up as a slight whirring noise filled the cave and a green glow overtook all the pink aliens in the cave, "Have a safe trip, your highness," he said cheerfully, as each alien began to slowly disappear.

Rose walked back over to join him and they stood side by side as all evidence of Yagaslovic and his followers slowly disappeared.

"You just had to press a button," said Rose, disbelievingly, shaking her head.

"Well, I had to overcome a lot of obstacles just to press that button," defended the Doctor. "And you know how I get about big buttons."

"Where have they gone?" asked Rose, when it was just her and the Doctor left.

"Straight into a cell on Planet 606, I'd imagine," he replied, "I don't know what their Council was thinking, really. Imagine sending the last of the royal family to somewhere as populated as Earth. Still, everyone makes mistakes, I suppose."

"Uh, Doctor," interrupted Rose, as she realised he was sinking into a reverie, "How are we going to get out of this place?"

"Oh, yes, of course," said the Doctor, "Hang on. Got to reverse the teleport again."

He flicked the switch on the Sonic Screwdriver.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

The five girls in the first cave jumped considerably as the Doctor and Rose suddenly materialised again, in front of them.

"What the…?" asked Sophie, with very wide eyes, "Rose, are you alright?"

"Fine," smiled Rose, "And you guys are all going to be fine, too."

Hailey eyed Rose suspiciously. "Are you an alien?" she demanded, staring at Rose hostilely.

The Doctor snorted. "What, her?" he asked, "Not likely. I am, though."

He smiled brightly as Hailey snapped her head around to stare at him.

"Anyway, everyone, I'm assuming you lot want to get home. And because I am a genius and," he added, glancing at Hailey, "an alien, I can help you do that."

He looked up at the darkness above him and then at the walls all around.

"Right," he ordered, "I need you all to come and stand directly in the centre of the cave."

"Come on," said Rose, grabbing Hailey and Sophie by the arm and dragging them to where he indicated. The other girls followed.

"Now," said the Doctor, as he walked over to join the group of people, "The next space we reach will be very small. It'll be a bit of a squash, but nothing to worry about. If none of you panic, we'll only be there for a short space of time. Ready?" he asked, checking with Rose.

Rose looked around at the other girls. "Ready," she nodded.

The Doctor aimed the Sonic Screwdriver high up to the left and then high up to the right.

"He's going to save our lives with that small blue thing?" asked Sophie, doubtfully.

"Oh my God," breathed Hailey, as two green beams of light descended from the rock face and hit the small group.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Doctor," gasped Rose, trying to ignore the pain, "You're sitting on my leg."

"Am I?" asked the Doctor, apologetically, "Wondered what that was. Sorry," he shifted, with some difficulty.

"Sophie, would you mind getting your hair out of my face?" hissed Hailey.

"Only if you get off my hand," snapped Sophie.

"Everybody stay calm," ordered the Doctor, in a very commanding tone.

Calmly, he worked steadily on the two light sources at either side of the small cave. When he was satisfied that they were no longer working, he pointed the Sonic Screwdriver up at the rock above them, frowning in concentration. The girls watched, mesmerised, as a he traced the blue light in a pattern over the rock.

"Right," said the Doctor uncertainly, "Um, yeah. Well. I know exactly how to get out of here."

"So get us out." said Hailey.

"Yeah, well, I will. It's just going to be a bit embarrassing, that's all."

"Doctor," said Rose, curiously, "What's going on?"

"Well the only way to open the hole is repeat the pattern that opened it before."

"So repeat it!" exclaimed Hailey, "In case you hadn't noticed, this space isn't getting any bigger."

"Keep your hair on," said the Doctor, "Complaining isn't going to help the situation."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Alright," he said, his voice resigned, "Everyone shuffle out to the side as much as possible. I need some room. As much as you can. That's it."

When he was satisfied that he had enough room. He laid back. And then lifted his feet so they rested on the roof of the cave.

"Shut up," he muttered, when Rose snorted, loudly.

The girls stared on, completely perplexed, as the Doctor began tapping the ceiling with his feet.

"I _knew_ he was mad," muttered Hailey, as Sophie shushed her.

Rose watched without any attempt to conceal her laughter. The others seemed to find the proceedings less than funny. They all started to shrink away from the Doctor, as if they were witnessing him having some kind of fit.

However, then they all gasped in surprise, and one even clapped, as the rock above slowly began sliding apart to reveal a wide opening and the ceiling of the town hall.

"Ta da!" The Doctor grinned triumphantly and winked at Rose, "Best audience I ever had." He sat up abruptly,"Alright, everyone, one at a time. Out you go. And you can stop laughing, Rose Tyler. I just saved your life, you know."

Shakily, the girls began to drag themselves out of the cave. Rose helped them out from below, trying hard not to grin, until there were enough up the top to pull her out. Then they all leant in and ably heaved the Doctor out of the hole.

"Thank you, kindly," he said, "Now, Rose and I need to finish up here, but you girls are free to go home. Get on with your lives. Yaggie won't be bothering you again."

Some of the girls nodded happily and eagerly set off out the doors.

"Thanks, Doctor. Rose," said Sophie, happily, "Really; thanks."

"Don't mention it," said the Doctor.

"Yeah," answered Rose, "pleasure. Good luck and everything."

Hailey continued to stare at the Doctor.

"You're an alien." she stated.

"Yep," said the Doctor, patiently.

"But you saved our lives."

"I did," agreed the Doctor, "Although, I should probably mention that Rose helped."

"So you're a…" Hailey frowned, "You're a good alien?"

"What makes you think all aliens are bad?" demanded the Doctor.

"Hey, this time last week I didn't even think aliens existed. Then I got captured by one."

"Well, I suppose you could say I'm a good alien. Most of the time."

"So long as you don't borrow his comb without asking," said Rose, "Then he can get nasty."

The Doctor shot Rose a warning look, "Not all of us lot are bad. Just ask Rose. She's met a few aliens now."

Rose smiled as Hailey turned to her, with widened eyes.

"I best be going," said Hailey, quickly, "Thanks, though."

"No problem," grinned Rose, "See you."

Rose went and sat on the edge of the stage, once Hailey had gone and her and the Doctor were left alone.

"Just got to seal the entrance," explained the Doctor, turning back to the hole, "Otherwise some poor child could get a nasty surprise during their tap dancing exhibition."

"Tap dancing?" asked Rose, in confusion.

"Oh, I'll explain later," grinned the Doctor. "Right," he announced, jumping up, "That's that. Now let's go retrieve the radio. I think it'll go nicely in the TARDIS kitchen. Just what we need, really. There's nothing better than a loud sing-along while waiting for the kettle to boil. And I'd better disable the transmission booster, too."

"Then can we go get some chips?" asked Rose, following him, "I'm starving."

* * *

Just a short chapter to follow to finish things off, now. 

If you've read it, please, please review it!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: And so we reach the end. Today, because I'm not at home tomorrow. Or next week, for that matter. Anyway. Rather short and calm ending, so sorry to all those hoping for more random humour. If I can call it that... Thank you so, so much to everyone who has reviewed. Denial Land is so much more fun when you get to share it. It's like a little holiday, really. Ahem.

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine. BBC, I'm waiting for that call...

* * *

"Rose!" yelled the Doctor, impatiently tapping his foot in the Control Room, "Do you want to get some chips, or not? If you don't hurry up, all the chippies will have closed." 

"Keep your hair on," said Rose, laughing and entering the Control Room, "Anyway, this thing can travel in time. I would've thought you, of all people, wouldn't be worried about closing times."

"Yeah, well, I just like to make the most of whatever time I happen to be in. You coming?"

"Of course," said Rose, stepping past him and out onto the street lining the sea front.

"Seaside chippy!" exclaimed Rose, beaming, "Brilliant."

The Doctor followed, frowning. He locked the TARDIS door behind him and then turned to face Rose.

"You bought the skirt," he said, accusingly.

"Yeah," grinned Rose, "I think it looks alright." She did a little twirl, laughing.

The Doctor scowled, "Well I'm not debating that. But I thought we agreed it was impractical."

"No, Doctor, you _said _it was impractical. Besides, we're only going out for chips. I doubt the world will be threatened in that short space of time."

"I wouldn't be so sure," said the Doctor.

But he took her arm and together they strolled along the sea front, looking for the nearest chip shop.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"You did what?" asked Rose, once the Doctor had paid for the chips.

"I tap danced," he stated simply, guiding her over to a bench overlooking the sea, so he could continue his detailed explanation. He loved how she always wanted to know anything she'd missed.

"You did too," he said defensively, when Rose snorted.

"I've never known how to tap dance," pointed out Rose.

"Well, you got overpowered and controlled by the signals from the radio. And it wasn't really tap dancing. It was more like tapping out a code with your feet. To open the cave entrance. Quite a fun idea, really. I'd like to set something like that up in the TARDIS. Imagine that, eh? You can't get into the kitchen unless you tap dance." He shook his head, happily, "God, these chips are good," he added.

Rose grinned up at him, as he stuffed another chip in his mouth. She could just see him, lying on his back, 'tap dancing' upside down….

"What about the mini cave. What was that all about?"

"Oh, that," he said, with his mouth full, "particle diffuser. Bit complicated, that. Basically, what it does is…" he frowned. "Ever read or seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?" he asked.

"Yeah," answered Rose, laughing slightly, "Of course. The new film had Johnny Depp in it."

The Doctor's face darkened a little, but he carried on.

"And that's probably all you remember. Well, that TV travel thing Willy Wonka invents. The diffuser works a little like that, only you stay the same size at the other end. Which is a good thing, really. Otherwise I'd be taking you back to Jackie, the size of a paperclip." He shuddered at the thought.

"I get it," laughed Rose, "Mum would've killed you. You've had a lucky escape, Doctor. And the green mist?"

"Dispersed particles of the teleport device. I'm telling you, that Yagaslovic may have been a madman, but he was also a genius." The Doctor considered something; "Funny how often those two words are used together."

"Reminds me a lot of you," laughed Rose, "Only, you know, without the evil."

The Doctor smiled happily at her and they sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes.

"Mmmm," sighed the Doctor, once he'd finished his chips, "Now those are what I call chips. I can just feel the unhealthiness of them spreading through me."

Rose snorted. "Can we get some chocolate biscuits for afters?" she asked "I couldn't find any in the kitchen."

"Couldn't you?" responded the Doctor, "I just assumed you'd eaten them all."

Rose whacked him on the shoulder.

"Come on then," said Rose, crumpling up her rubbish and throwing it in the bin next to the bench, "Shall we go back?"

"Yeah," said the Doctor, standing up, "We can pick up some biscuits on the way, if you like."

Rose smiled at him. "Great," she linked her arm through his, "I promise to share this time."

"That's very kind of you," acknowledged the Doctor, laughing slightly, "But we'll have to do a lot of running to work all this lot off. First chips, then chocolate biscuits..."

"I count on it," replied Rose, "You know I'm only with you for the exercise programme."

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed. They walked along happily, both staring out at the sea.

"You know what, Doctor," said Rose, thoughtfully, "I think we work well together, us two."

He took her hand and swung it, idly.

"You know what, Rose Tyler," said the Doctor, equally thoughtfully, but with a grin playing about his lips, "So do I."

* * *

I know, I know, not as much fun, but I still hope you liked it. 

And if you've read it, for the love of God, review! I know there are people reading, but not reviewing. Go on, be brave...


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